How to Say No Politely In Business (And Why That's Important)

Saying no in business 

It’s been said that the most powerful word in any language is the word “No.” “No” can set boundaries. “No” can keep us safe from harm. But when it comes to questions or requests from our customers or clients, too often the word “No” is a too-easy response that costs you both money and loyalty. 

Let’s explore how to give more consideration to your newly empowered customers. When you become a parent for the first time, you begin to see the world in a very different way. I’m not really talking about how much your life changes —and it does. But you suddenly see the world as a dangerous place filled with hazards for your child. Something dirty on the ground. A sharp object left out, an electrical outlet within reach, a barbecue grill very hot to the touch. 

During those first few years of your child’s life, you find yourself saying the word “no” more often than you could have ever imagined. But as our children get older, “no” is more of a barrier between what they want and what they aren’t allowed to have, or what we’ll allow them to do. 

“No” becomes the power wielded by the more powerful. It’s certainly not a relationship of equals, and it’s not meant to be. Of course, being on the receiving end of that restriction is frustrating. When you have a rebellious teenager, generally, they’re rebelling against the word “no.” And as we grow older and make our way into the world, the power to make our own choices is an added bonus as we become more independent. 

So now,  as customers, when we hear “no,” or some version of it, it takes us back to a bit of a primal state as we feel that power being taken away. We are now beholden to someone who gets to decide whether or not we can have what we want. That loss of power feels bad.

My question for you is this: Do you realize how often you say “no” to your customers? I’ll bet it’s more often than you think. 

Of course, its not always the word “no” itself, sometimes its, “Unfortunately, We don’t offer next day delivery,” or “Uh…Yeah, we don’t have anything available till next month,” or “Sorry, no menu substitutions” or “Excuse me, but you can’t bring your drink in the store.”

Now, you may not define it as a “no,” but that’s what your customers are hearing. “This is our policy, and it is what it is, and we don’t make exceptions for our customers. Yeah I know you have a unique situation, but we don’t really do… unique. That would require thinking and making decisions and we kinda have our way of doing things.”

How to say no in business

Of course, sometimes the answer has to be “no” right?  “Sorry, we can’t build you a house in 6 weeks.” or “You’re not allowed to bring your emotional support donkey onto the airplane.” Or “You want roast beef sandwich at vegan restaurant? Yeah, that's a hard no.”

But too often we say “no” when we could easily say “yes.” Because “no” just seems…easier. 

We don’t want to have to come up with training to accommodate a thousand different scenarios. Honestly, the easiest thing is to just quote our policy and do it the way we designed it. This prevents our people from having to decide or judge — because they might make a bad decision or a poor choice, or have to get permission from a supervisor. The easiest answer is just to keep it predictable. Keep it simple. 

But you’re likely missing a huge opportunity, and many potential sales. The reality is that most requests you’ll get are pretty reasonable if you stop to think about it. If someone orders a Caesar salad and wants to substitute shrimp for chicken. Why not? (I know. The cook doesn’t want to deal with special orders.) Well, Do you know who doesn’t care what the cook wants to do? Everyone. Seriously, just charge them a few extra bucks. What’s the alternative? Not giving them what they want and they never come back? Or worse yet, they go online and rant about you? Why would you say “no” to that customer? They’re actually sitting in your restaurant — by definition, your perfect customer!

If someone needs an order expedited, there is probably a way to make that happen. Sure, it might take some extra work and creativity, but that’s what customers love and appreciate. They feel heard. They feel respected, and they learn that they can count on you. If you won’t, there is a competitor who surely will.

If we ask for a late checkout, it’s likely because we need it. (And not everyone does!) When you say “no”, or “sorry we can’t do that,” or quote your policies, we feel unheard, under-appreciated. What we really feel is dismissed and disrespected.

Now, the most common argument is: “If we do it for them, we have to do it for everyone.” 

Not true! That’ a cop-out! You only have to do it for the people who ask (if you can). The truth is that most people won’t ever ask for a special accommodation, so accommodating the few that do, is a super smart move! 

To be clear, you have every right to design your business the way you want, and to say “NO” whenever you want. Just recognize that you’ll lose customers because of it — and you may be ok with that. Some hard-to-please customers we don’t want, but that is the exception.

It is a new world filled with customer choices! Today, there are more and more competitors who will find a way to say “yes” to unique questions and scenarios. When you are inflexible, you’ll not only lose that sale, but you’ll likely lose that customer, and the lifetime value of that customer as well.

That is a pretty big price to pay, for what might have been a simple accommodation that you weren’t willing to offer.

But when you take the time, as a team, to examine why you say “no” and work to say “yes” more often, you’ll discover wonderful ways to please your clients and customers, engender loyalty and create ambassadors for your brand.

Why you do it: I think too often, you say “no” because it's just easier than saying yes, if it’s outside of your standard business model. We design our business model to create predictability in buying scenarios, our customers' journey, and ultimately revenue for our business. Anything outside of our model is a distraction and certainly much harder to plan for, train for and quantify.

Why we hate it: As customers, we haven’t read your employee manual. We don’t know exactly how you want to do business. We just know what we want or need. Our needs aren’t all the same, and we want to be treated like human beings. We want to be heard and understood. We want you to empathize with our situation, respect our preferences and the pressures we’re under.

A Better Approach: Where you can, replace your internal policies with guidelines. Train your people on appropriate decision-making and not just policy-quoting. Help them understand what a good decision looks like within the context of your business model and give them more freedom to say “yes” to unique requests or scenarios. That can be scary, but it can all pay huge dividends. You can be the hero for your customers, instead of just another door shut in their face.

And even when you have to say no (and there are plenty of times when you have to say no) offer an alternative. Say instead: “Let me tell you what I can do.” Trust me. It’s SO worth it.

When we were kids, we accepted the fact  that the word “no” was a big part of our lives. But as adults, we seek out, and buy from and stay with, those who tell us “Yes.” Just sayin.